A successful search!

One evening I came home after a night out with my younger sister. My mother was still awake, sitting in the living room. I would soon get married, and she had decided to tell me the truth: I was fathered by someone other than my father. My biological father was a Dutch soldier who had been stationed in Indonesia. I was 24 years, and knew of nothing until that moment.

My sister reacted immediately, without hesitation. "Come on, let's go find him!" But I responded very cool. I thought, ‘If he never looked for me all these years, why should I bother and go find him?’

My father Huib, the man whom I still consider my only real father, had had his doubts that my mother had decided to tell me about my background. He was afraid I would lose respect for my mother. But that never happened. I respect my parents tremendously, and my father is the one who has raised me is. That’s how I feel about it. Also out of respect for my father Huib I never went searching for that other person. It has never stood between my father and me. We have discussed the matter only a few times in all those years thereafter. We were father and daughter, no matter what.

The Naval Hospital

My mother, who had grown up in Indonesia, worked as a nurse at the naval hospital in Surabaya. My father, the one who has fathered me, was a Dutch marine man, and he worked as a nurse in the Navy hospital during the colonial war. And so they met.

My parents had a relationship. It even seems that he wanted to stay in Indonesia because of this relationship, but fate decided different. He made clear to the Army that he wanted to stay in Indonesia because of his relationship, and as a means of punishment he immediately got transferred. Shortly thereafter, he was sent away on a ship to the Netherlands to avoid that he would try to stay in Indonesia. And there the same happened as to many other guys, the same stories you can read on the website of Warlovechild: once at home with his parents, evereybody pressed him to forget about the girl and the child, to leave it all behind. And so he did.

I was born on May 17, 1950. My mother started a relationship with my father Huib. Besides of me they got more children together, my brothers and sisters. In 1957 we moved to the Netherlands. I always have had the feeling that I was rougher in body shape than the other children of the family. On the photographs of my childhood you can easily see that. A larger hair of the head, whiter, less elegant than Indonesians. But I've never paid much special attention to it, and never started questioning.

Website Warlovechild

The name of my biological father I know for quite a while now, my mother told me once. But I had never felt the urge to start searching. Until my husband read about the website of Warlovechild, which was founded in 2009. He said: that's really something for you. And although I was not really bothering about my backgrounds out of respect for my father Huib, when I read the stories on the website, I could not stop reading. I suddenly realized that I was not the only one. I recognized so many things in the stories of all the others! And I realized through these stories how it must have been for all those young guys, the ones who fathered us: that they should forget about everything, even their child, after returning home in the Netherlands. I told my mom about the website and my feelings. She got very emotional. It suddenly began to itch and so I decided to go find my biological father. My father Huub was deceased, otherwise I would never have taken that step. But I was ready for it now.

A letter

I have contacted the FIOM, the organisation who can help find family members who have lost contact. In no time my biological father was found. He was still alive! I have written a letter to my father with the mediation of the FIOM.

My father received my letter via the FIOM, together with some photos I had included. I later heard he had been sitting in his chair for an hour with the letter in his hands, as if struck with lightning. He called his children and informed them about my existence.
It appeared that my father had known about my existence all those years. He has always had a sense of guilt. He had always lived with the idea that some day I would stand on the sidewalk and knock at his door. His wife is deceased six years ago, but she knew of my existence too. My father was already connected to her before leaving for Indonesia, and from there he had written her a letter that he was not coming back, that he had met a girl and that she was pregnant. When he unexpectedly returned, this relationship got rekindled and they have always stayed together.

Bonus Family

A few months after I wrote the letter, we had our first meeting at the FIOM. And since then we are in touch. His sons are very open and direct with me, and blame their father that he never had told them before. We have a regular contact now, last summer we had a barbecue party with all family and friends together to get acquainted.

My biological father is proud of me now and we have regular contact. But Huib remains my real father and my brothers and sisters that I grew up with, are 'my family'. The others are my ‘bonus family’, as I call them.

R.

Name and contact details of R. are known by Warlovechild.

Are you also a Dutch-Indonesian Warlovechild, or do you suspect or know that your dad fathered a child during his military service in Indonesia in the years 1946-1951? We would like to hear your story! Please mail to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it