So they finally found me

One day the phone rang. After answering the call, I thought, ‘so they finally found me.’ It must have been somewhere around 1979, I suppose my daughter was about 30 years old.

A cup of coffee

Early 1947 I was a soldier and was stationed in the barracks in the city of Semarang, in a former school building. Across the street were houses and little shops and street vendors. One of those shops, with flour and rice and things like that, was owned by three sisters. Well, I do not remember the exact details, but I came in contact with one of them, Els. She sat there behind the sewing machine and I waved and she waved back. And at one point I went to her, while she was working inside. “Do you like a cup of coffee?” she asked me. “Well, yes, delicious, a cup of coffee”, I said. And that was the beginning. I came to visit her more often in the evening for a cup of coffee, and one thing leads to another.

She was very handsome at that time. Everything was nice about her... In the Netherlands I had never really seriously been dating someone. And she had never had a boyfriend either. I was 21 and she was 17 or 18 years old. And well, we were a little crush on each other.

Fixed courtship

Yes, we were... We were dearly in love. You see, there was not much entertainment there. And I was not inclined to visit a slum and ... you understand? Cause you know just how it goes. And I felt very solid and strong, because I had a fixed courtship, I was dating a nice girl, a very sweet girl. We did fun things together. We went out to dinner, to the movies, things like that.

And on January 1st, 1948, we are engaged. I do not actually remember much of how it happened. My son gave me the engagement card some time ago. The reception was five to six, it says. It certainly will be true. But I do not remember anymore, I do not remember .... If you see that engagement picture: that’s just a kid, isn’t it? It was all a daze, I think. I was really very young.

A friend of hers knew an apartment for rent. So we bought stuff, furniture, a bed and so more, and we went to live there. Provided that at night I had to be back at the barracks, that old schoolbuilding. And the next morning I went to her again. We lived as husband and wife.

There were so many of us soldiers who had a relationship. I surely wasn’t the only one. Oh God, there are so many who have had a relationship, really. A colleague of mine, also a soldier, was even dating one of the other sisters of Els.

In confusing expectation

Els became pregnant. Yes, I had mixed feelings, naturally. On one hand I liked it and on the other hand I thought, yeah, what trouble am I into? And above all: how should this continue?
Nana was born in February 1949. Nana is her Indonesian name, she is officially named Marianne Hendrika, after my mother. I was not around during the delivery, I was just a few months away in South Java with the army. And when I came back in Semarang, I heard that I had to return to the Netherlands. Our boat would leave in August. So I have seen Nana only a couple of times. Like a doll, she was. A cute doll. It’s all gone by in a daze, in a dream so to speak. I tried whether I could stay in Indonesia. I had in mind to start a barbershop. So I went to my commander and said: I am planning to stay here. The commander said: Well that's unfortunate, because the schedule has been prepared for the embarkation and you just go back to Holland. Well, too bad. So I went back to Holland. I was twenty four. I had had a relationship with Els for about two years.

Closing the book

Once back in Holland, it all vanished a bit, as you might say. And after some time, it did not think about it so much anymore. Of course I was curious how the little one was doing, but ... I did not know if they still lived at the same address, etcetera etcetera ... And I did not think they would live in poverty, the sisters runned a shop after all. My mother and my sister had a slight idea I had been dating someone, I had told them once. No long stories though. More just some remarks. ‘How about that girl?’, my mother asked. Well so and so and this and that. But I never told them I had a daughter. And my father was entirely in ignorance. ‘Do not inform your father about anything’, was the parole in those days. Bad thing if your father would find out.

I am Catholic, so I did go to the priest. I told him my story: I have a baby daughter in Indonesia, I have held her in my arms. What should I do? He says, boy, that period lies behind you. You have to close the book. You should not think about it anymore, just forget about it.

Yes, what do you do? When you are twenty-four? So I have not thought about it anymore. At one point I got to know a girl, and in 1953 we got married. We have three sons and a daughter. I never told my wife that I had been engaged and had a child in Indonesia. For me it was a closed book. That seemed best for everyone.

“Daddy, where are you?”

And then came that Sunday, when I got the phonecall. It caused some kind of  consternation, you bet. My wife was not amused. She thought that I should have told her when we got married. But at that time I had argued: there are no advantages for her to know. And it was over anyway. But yes, Els was in the Netherlands and we have met each other briefly. We did some talking. I preferred not to get much closer, that seemed better for everyone. After that meeting we had no contact anymore.

Until, years later, a call appeared in a popular magazine, Story, with the engagement photo of me and Els. That beautiful colored picture. They were looking for me another time and asked me to notify a family member of Els in Tilburg. That was maybe 1990, I think. My daughter Nana was around 40 years old.
We saw each other for the first time at Schiphol airport. That was an emotional moment, of course. That first meeting was a matter of crying, crying, crying. Eventually they wanted very much that I officially would acknowledge Nana as my daughter. And so I did.

Three of my children are not much interested in maintaining contact. They say: Dad, it’s your daughter and good luck with it, but for us it is not of much importance. But one of my sons has always kept in touch with her, and visoted her in Indonesia. I myself did not visit her there. I am old and sick, I do not want to travel anymore. We have occasional contact. Not much, but with birthdays and so. Then we write or call sometimes.

Read the story of Els in the category ‘Soldiers sweethearts in Indonesia: ‘He has always stayed her great love’ and the story of Dien, the warlovechild of the sister of Els: ‘Two military fathers instead of one and an unknown half-brother (categorie ‘Warlovechildren in the Netherlands’). The story of the Dutch children of father Jack can be read in the category ‘Family and kin’: A Sudden Confrontation.