I was shaking in my seat, with the letter in my hands

The story of veteran Bas about his daughter Rose

'A year ago I received a letter from the FIOM (organisation that helps reunite family members). My daughter was looking for me. That was a bolt from the blue. I was shaking in my seat, with the letter in my hands. Pictures and everything was in it. I was devastated. I knew everything was true, I recognized it all. It was so obvious, it was not necessary at all to ask for a DNA-test.

Indo European girls

I was born in 1926. I was conscripted, I had to fulfil my duty as a soldier. During the war I had done a nurses training and so I joined the medical service of the Navy. I went to get my note around and was sent to the Dutch East Indies. I thought it would be for a year and a half. But it became three and a half years.

I came to work at the Naval Hospital in Surabaya. It was there where I encountered A. She worked there as a nurse. She was of mixed blood Indo-European, well developed, spoke perfect Dutch. One evening she invited me for a cup of coffee. And that’s how it goes. You start with a cup of coffee, and end in a relationship. I was 23, and had not had a woman for three years. Many marine boys went with Indo-European girls, that was quite common. She lived in a luxury street near Surabaya, in an outbuilding of some stunningly beautiful big house. It was fun together. We usually sat at her home, in the garden. She could make very good food. Or we went to the cinema. Just cozy. And I slept at her house from Saturday to Sunday. Because on Sunday I had to go back to the naval hospital, where we slept in barracks.

Engaged in the Netherlands

I was engaged in the Netherlands, I had met my girl on my seventeenth, during wartime. Because even in wartime you can get butterflies in your stomach. So we had four years of dating when I went to Indonesia. We wrote each other letters for three years. Every week. And I kept on writing all those years. But I never told about A.

At one point A. said: I'm pregnant. Well, I had to deal with that. I couldn’t deny that she was pregnant. I had done it myself, so ... It was not my intention that I would father a child. I thought: when I will return to the Netherlands, it is over. And then I also would never have told anyone about this relationship. If she had not been pregnant, I would have said: well, it's been fun, good luck, I'm going back, I wish you all the best. That would have been it. But I had fathered a child and I thought, as normal thinking person: it is my duty to be there. And get married. And then take care of my family as a father.

I wrote a letter to my fiancé and my parents that I wanted to stay in Java.
I wrote them I had made a girl pregnant and I thought it my duty to remain and to marry. This has really been a blow in the face of my fiancé. She had been waiting for me three and a half years, and after this long waiting she got a letter like that. I am not proud on my behaviour. But what could I do?

Forced to leave

But it happened to be that staying in Indonesia was no option at all. No way I got permission from the Navy. I was not allowed to stay, and certainly not allowed to marry with an Indonesian woman. I think my parents were partly to blame. They were totally embarrassed because their son would not come back home. A colonel of the Navy told me so. He said: “I have a letter from your parents here.” But the Navy did not want me to stay either. There had been terrible massacres in those days, from both sides. It was too dangerous to stay. We couldn’t walk safely down the street alone. There was always the danger to get killed. Taking my girl with me to the Netherlands was not possible either, because the Navy would not allow me. You did not have to say anything at all, in those days. You did as you were told. And so I took the conclusion: I can not marry.

I went to my girl, and told her I had to leave for the Netherlands. I told her it was out of my hands and that I could not solve the problem. We'll see how it continues, I said to her. And that was all. I was immediately transferred to Medan, which was a kind of punishment transfer. They wanted to ensure that I would not do anything stupid with that girl .... And therefore they transferred me, away from Surabaya. Deliberately. Four weeks later I was on the troopship on my way to the Netherlands. That must have been around June 1950.
Our child was born in May 1950, I heard recently. So that must have already been born when I boarded the ship. But I was not aware of that, at that time. I was in another town, Medan, under house arrest, awaiting my transportation.Drawing a line under

When I returned home, my fiancé wrote me after a few weeks she still wanted to meet me again. And well, we had had four years of courtship ... So naturally there was a click right from the start again. So I got a difficult time. It was actually a kind of dilemma. What do I do? Do I go back to Indonesia and I let down my fiancé and my parents, probably never to see them again? Or did I have to let down my fiancé? I just could not solve the problem. So I discussed the matter with my brothers and my father: what should I do? We came to the conclusion: it is a pity, but put a line under it and move on here. And so I did. I have talked frankly with my fiancé about everything. Then I put a line under. We have been married for 55 years, and we never exchanged a word about it anymore. Never.

Of course I resented my behaviour to A. I knew it was not good. But I put that thoughts aside. I took up my old live in the Netherlands. And I did not write it. That is evil, I know. Because that's not me. I shouldn’t have done so. But it did happen. Of course you did your job, your children who studied etcetera etcetera. Somehow it always stayed in my head fooling around. I never forgot about it. It was just the way it was.

The letter

My wife knew the case, but I've never talked about it with my children. They have never known. And I never went searching for her. I've always realized: today or tomorrow there will be someone knocking at my door with the words: “Hello dad, I'm your daughter.” And so it happened, a year ago. My wife was already deceased. It sounds crazy, but I was not really surprised. After several years you think: well, well, I never hear more of what. But it finally happened After sixty years. That is different than if it happens after two or three years. This was after sixty years that she went looking for me. At first I had no idea how to respond, how to behave. My wife was not there, so I cold not talk with her to make a decision. I had to solve it all alone. Then I involved my eldest son. He is not a young boy anymore, he is sixty too.

After sixty years

We decided to get in touch with my daughter. I went to her house, with my son. And there we met. That was a very emotional thing. She was crying when we met. I was also nervous myself. And tense. So you have to be careful, otherwise you'll also start crying yourself. But it clicked right away at that first meeting.

Her mother is still alive, my girlfriend at the time. She wanted to meet me too. Well, I almost crapped my pants, I can tell you. We were left alone in the room. She sat down and crossed her arms: “and now I'd like to know how and why you left me!” I explained. She was not mad at me. She understood.

I have regular contact with Rose nowadays. She's coming this week on my birthday. My sons do not mind. They are in touch too with Rose. My youngest son said: I've always known. I've always known: Dad has gotten something out there.

What a story, huh? Yes, life can play tricks on you.'

Bas Kruidenier (1926)

Also read the story of his daughter, warlovechild Rose: ‘A successful search!’ in the category Warlovechildren in the Netherlands, and the story of Rose’s mother A: ‘All of a sudden he was gone’ in the category Soldiers Sweethearts.