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 When Elsje Kauw sees the young soldier Jack for the first time she has no idea how he will change her life. She falls in love and gets engaged. But a marriage is thwarted from all sides. Even when their daughter Nana is born. And then Jack must go back to the Netherlands. Els is left with the promise that they ‘will marry by proxy’.
In October 1929 Elsje Kauw is born as Kauw Liang Eng Nio from two Chinese parents in Semarang. Her parents already have a son and four daughters, Elsje being the youngest in the family. When Elsje was in high school, the Japanese invade the country. For the children going to school ends there: the school is closed by the Japanese and the family flees to relatives in Boyolali. But the parents die early from diseases during the Japanese Era: first their father and a few months later their mother. Elsje is 14 years old.
When Semarang is safe again in 1946, the three sisters with Els settle in the district Lemah Gempal. The eldest sister starts a warung (foodshop) at the house where the girls live. Els gets a job close by as a pharmacy prescription receiver. The warung is located in a busy street behind the house. Opposite the warung is a school that is in use as barracks for the Dutch army.
 The girls are not inherently hostile to the presence of the Dutch. Before the arrival of the Japanese their parents had contact with Dutch people regularly so it's not uncommon for the girls. The Dutch soldiers often walk past the shop and buy some of their delicacies. That is how Els meets the young soldier Jack van den Brom.
Jack is charmed by the beautiful smiling Els and he soon starts seducing her. Initially Els is not very keen on his advances. As a fifteen year old she finds herself a little too young. But, in her own words, "the Dutch are good charmers”. Ultimately Jack’s charms made her desperately fall in love with him. Her older sister also started to date a Dutch soldier.
The girls think the Dutch are attractive and fun. The love couple goes out, sees movies, makes day trips.
Els’s photo album is completely full with snapshots of the numerous trips she and Jack make. And eventually they get engaged on January 1, 1948. Relatives and friends of Els as well as several mates of Jack join the engagement party. Els even becomes Catholic, like Jack.
To Els’s disappointment the Dutch military authorities refuse permission to get married. Rather, they are advised to forget each other. But Jack and Els would not hear of it. They rent a house together and decorate it. Jack officially lives in the barracks but he visits Els as often as he can.
 On February 13, 1949, their daughter Nana was born. Jack is then stationed in Yogyakarta so he can not be present during delivery. But he has arranged everything and the delivery takes place at the military hospital in Bojong. When Jack is back in Semarang, he visits Els and his newborn daughter once more and has to tell her that he must leave Indonesia. His contract has expired and can not be extended. He would like to stay in Indonesia but the military authorities have already arranged his passage. He promises Els to marry with proxy once he finds work in the Netherlands. And so Jack goes, leaving his girlfriend and child in limbo.
Not much later Els receives the birth certificate and other papers through the Chaplain, the army clergyman, that should serve their marital arrangement. Els takes this as a bad omen: are these not needed in the Netherlands? And when Nana is one and a half years old, a letter arrives from Jack telling that he will marry a girl in the Netherlands. She will now have to take care of Nana herself. She loses all contact with the Netherlands.
 When Nana is four years old, Els brings her to the orphanage of the Franciscan Sisters. She has to work all day to earn a living and taking care of a child is too much. But she believes that Nana will get a good education there, better than if she continues to live in the compound. Her sister also has a child of a Dutch soldier who vanished. Dientje, as she is called, is also brought to the orphanage, so at least the girls can support each other. Nana is regularly at home during weekends but inevitably goes back to the orphanage. Els meets an Indonesian man and from this relationship another daughter is born. Nana remains in the orphanage until high school and then comes back home. Life is not easy on them. When Els is 35 years old her eyesight becomes blurry and not long after she turns almost blind.
Many years later, in 1979, Els is visiting her youngest daughter who now lives in the Netherlands. In the Dutch phone book they look for the name and address of Jack and they can easily find him. Els thinks he should know how Nana is doing and Nana is still entitled to be recognized by them. When Elsje calls him, Jack’s wife anwers the phone. She appears to know nothing. A child in Indonesia? She reacts very frightened and reluctant. There is brief contact between Els and Jack but it leads to nothing. The problems in Jack’s family make him want to keep contact to a minimum. Nana's initial joy that her father is found is replaced by sadness and anger. She tears up all letters that her mother and father have ever exchanged with each other. She wants to forget her father completely, the disappointment is too big.
Around 1990 Els and Nana make another effort to get in touch with Jack through an acquaintance. They have an announcement for Jack published in the Dutch weekly Story. Family members read the announcement and inform Jack. He indeed steps forward. Els travels to the Netherlands with Nana. And so daughter Nana meets her father Jack for the first time in her life. She is 45 years old.
Jos, a son of Jack’s, is very concerned about the fate of Nana and Els. Under pressure of his wife and his son Jos, Jack recognizes Nana as his daughter. Since then there has been contact back and forth, and Jack also has contact with Nana's cousin Dien, also a warlovechild who lives in the Netherlands. But Jack's wife never completely recovers from the blow.
(Based on the Oral History interview with Els, Nana and Jack, held by Annegriet Wietsma, 2009)
Do you recognize yourself in this story, did you yourself had to leave a child in Indonesia? Or do you know someone who is looking for his child, his or her father, half brother or half sister? Or have found him or her?
Please let us know!
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The story of Ibu Sulatra
The documentary
